The Dirty Job

I can't be bothered to contemplate for the fact that I am unemployed. I don't have any job, I don't have anything to do to gain money out of something. I have worked in England. I can say it is my first job though I worked as an Ophthalmology Nurse at The Lasik Surgery Clinic at Asian Hospital and Medical Center in Alabang, Muntinlupa City. I love being a Nurse. I love how I execute what I have learned in my 4 year course in college. I graduated in 2008 and proud to say that I passed the board exams in November 2009.

I loved the feeling of working in the Theatre or commonly known as the Operating Room. Everything is clean-- Sterilized. Everything is in order. Everything is in place. I had to leave my job, I resigned before I left for London.

It was January of 2010 when I became an employee of St. Vincent's Care Home at Hammersmith, London. Four floors, 24-26 residents in each floor. The first week was my Induction or commonly known as 'The Orientation Week'. Irish and I were the only Inductees. We were relaxed and felt like Ms. Carmina, the Deputy Manager, was just having casual talk on how things work at St. Vincent's. My post? Health Care Assistant. Nurse? not.

Me, Clarissa, Ambika, Malini, Sunita smiling for the camera. They asked how much we got the camera for.

Ambika's ID photo smile.

Jerome and Mariusz: Smile boss!

*vocabularies:*

• Residents - Dementia/Parkinson's Dse. Patients, Confused Patients
• Handover - Endorsement of residents
• Saturn - computer generated daily progress notes done by each Care Assistant.

The Long Day Shift (0800-2000) goes like this:

• Handover - Discussion of each resident's behaviour throughout the night shift.
• Serving of breakfast - encourages all 'able' residents to walk their way to the dining room, feeding for the bedbound residents
• Personal Care - changing of wet pads, bedbath/showering of residents, dressing them day clothes, walking them to the lounge area.
• Serving of morning tea - tea time while the residents are watching the telly in the loungeServing of lunch - walks the resident to the dining room
• Serving of afternoon tea - done in the lounge
• Afternoon Personal Care - changing of pads, changing day clothes to night dress/ pajamas.  
• Serving of dinner - walks them to the dining room
• Daily Progress Notes -  done in the computer

This routine seems so easy to do. Systematic. Attainable. Ideal. 

The Night Shift (2000-0800):

• Serving of tea
• Personal Care - changing of pads, putting all residents to bed.
• Hourly checking
• Personal Care - changing of pads in the morning, washing and dressing 5 residents.
• Daily Progress Notes 

Five Carers work for a day shift, 2 carers for the night. 24-26 residents to look after to. Everything was ideal to me at first. I know I can get along by and by. I knew I will wipe poo, definitely. I wasn't prepare to see other problems than looking after confused and dementia patients. The story goes on.

I made friends. You get to befriend your partner or your colleagues and everyone else in the workplace even the 'Domestic' staffs or the floor cleaners. I got along well, some of us talk the same language, Tagalog. I wasn't ready to criticisms, rumors, back stabbing workmates and the massive 'crab mentality' amongst the people employed at St. Vincent's. I would rather forget what all have been said to me, their impressions and opinions, their little learnings about me, and that I tend to disregard. It was during those  days when all 'Pinoys' at work felt like family to me, tanginang yan! They would ask how your life has been before you went to work abroad, where you from, what you do. They scrutinize you then spread your bio to everyone/ all 'Pinoys' at St. Vincent's. I don't know to hell where this initiation came from but typical 'chismosa' attitude of most Filipinos. I can admit that I am 'chismosa'. But most of the time, I talk about celebrities' life stories, not any lives of my friend or workmate. I don't want to talk much about each and everyones struggle in life because I don't want them to talk about me too. Why? Because I am not a celebrity!

I feel so bitter about treating them as my family, Jeremiah, Tita Glo, those people who gave opinions and comment to the least time I needed it. Foul words, maniac and 'kalsada' terms to which I would ask myself WHERE ARE THEIR VALUES? It was hard to work with them intellectually. I felt like I am always 'nangangapa' on how I would behave myself infront of them. I am not saying I wanted to please them but atleast, they won't see my faults. They have been masters of the game in the care home, they memorize the easiest ways on how to change pads in split seconds. They were experts to being quick... quick to gossips. To oral defamation of other 'Pinoys'. They feel elated when they say something new, or the latest struggle of someone we know. tangina nila. Theres KARMA. 

Gloria,Gloria..

Much of the bitterness, I swear to myself I will love my job. I know the Nursing Process. I love to take care of sick people. Not when I dealt with the Dementia Patients. I was very positive to get back to Health and Medical field. I love learning new things. But things changed as time went by. I did night shift for my entire working career at St. Vincent's, though sometimes I do day shifts for overtime. 12-hour duty is no joke. It breaks your back, literally.

''Hinding madaling mag alaga ng matatanda, lalo na kung may Dementia sila. They would act weird as in to the point of calling them 'Tangahin'. They forget everything, even sitting down or how to chew their food. They are worst. Dementia is a degenerative disease kasi. Sa madaling salita, parang kinakalawang na ang mga brain cells nila kaya diskargado ang nerve impulses nila kumbaga.  '' -JCL

I was challenged, I swear I lost my self-esteem. I never felt so useless and incompetent for being just a Care Assistant. I could not do any Nursing Diagnosis or an Intervention to alleviate each and every residents' issues.  Why? That is beyond my duties. But then, I continue to get along. I remember the first few days when I was only doing 2 nights in a week. I would give it a deep breath whenever I enter the door of St. Vincent's. I alway say 'punas tae nanaman' at the back of my mind and then I pray. No miss, that was my Monday and Tuesday routine.

I pray. I pray not to earn big but I pray to God for Him to make me feel better. I talk to Him and tell Him, 'Lord, help nyo po ako tigasan ang dibdib ko ngayong gabing ito..' Those were the hard days for me.

Sometimes, I know I have been harsh to some residents. They take away all the goodness in me when they start to play with their pads, plays with their poo, gets off to bed, and when they shout at night. I had patience but it wasn't too big to be passive all the time.

''Minsan nagtitimpi ako, lalo na sa gabi, 2 lang kaming carer. Ayokong saktan ang mga residente ko, nakakaawa sila. Pero paano mo sila hindi sasaktan, kung papalitan mo na sila ng pad, e hahawakan nila ng mahigpit ang panty nila para hindi mo matanggal. Hahawakan nila hanggat kaya nila. Maghihilahan kami para matanggal ang panty nila, para mapalitan ang pads nila. Marami sa kanila, may rayuma. Matitigas at irregular ang korte ng mga kamay nila. Mas mahirap makipaghilahan. Habang hinihila mo ang panty at pads nila, sumisigaw sila sayo at kinakalmot ka. Isang residente pa lang yan. Paano pa yung natitirang 24? May energy at pasensya pa ba akong maibibigay sa kanila?'' -JCL

The difficulties of looking after them

''Minsan, umasa ako na kahit gaano sila pasaway, pwede ko silang kausapin, tao pa rin sila. 

Pumasok ako sa kwarto ng isa naming residente:

Me: I've changed your pad already, please I'm begging you don't pull your pad out please. *combs her hair with my hand*

Resident: *she started crying* You're such a lovely girl, you're my lovely girl. You're the only one who is like that to me here.

Me: No, it's okay you rest to sleep just please don't pull your pad, okay?

Resident: *continues to cry* Thank you, you're such a lovely girl.''

Those are some stories that breaks my heart. These British people find themselves under the hands of uncommitted individuals. Most of us worked after the pounds we gain, some take it by heart. Some residents are rude, they would swear us all 'Fuck you's they could ever say at the top of their lungs. They would kick us, throw us their poo, they would scratch us and hit us in the face. They are aggressive and they are not aware of it. We were paid big to absorb all their clumsiness. Their dirts and the dirt of their mouths. Sometimes, I'm bad to swear at them back, I shout to them TANGINA MO RIN! Not to really mean it but to elevate my personality and emotions for calling me 'bitch and bloody whore' for just changing their soaking pads. The job will always put your self-worth down if you will always absorb what other people will tell you. I was closed to working at hell. It was indeed the dirty-job. 

where's the pad?

why the mess?

Honestly, I pity them. They were brought by their family to the Nursing Residential Home where people were not caring enough to look after them whole heartedly. Some are visited weekly by their families, even their great grandchildren come to see them. Some, were abandoned. Some of them does not have any families for they have all passed away. Some grew old single, her friends will benefit for her death. Some of them were pumped up with lactulose so their poo will be regular but they tend to get the side effects of too much lactulose so they have watery stools, it leaks through the bed sheets. So leaked sheets needs to get changed. Another workload. Some does not sleep at night, he walks the entire shift asking us where to go. He asks us every 5 minutes. Some shouts 'Mommy' til the morning light. Some can't get out of the bed, they get bedsores. Some does not have any skin creams, their skins break down the entire bum gets swollen red. They swear alot, feeling the pain of the disease. That's Dementia. That's Dementia in England. That's how it is to look after the British people. That is how hard to earn pounds. 

I can say I am successful for living in London for quite some time, for earning and surviving. But when you ask me if I am fulfilled, I would be honest to say that I am not. I did not abide to the Nightingale's Pledge, I hurted my patients. I became impatient. I felt I had much of Dementia than them. I had the disease that which my mind was degenerated on how to have a caring and a loving heart. I had Dementia because I swear back and hurt them physically. I was confused of what purpose God has given me. I will never forget that job, the workplace, and all the things linked to St. Vincent's Care Home.  

The Florence Nightingale Pledge

I solemnly pledge myself before God and presence of this assembly;

To pass my life in purity and to practice my profession faithfully.

I will abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous 

   and will not take or knowingly administer any harmful drug.

I will do all in my power to maintain and elevate the standard of my profession

   and will hold in confidence all personal matters committed to my keeping 

   and family affairs coming to my knowledge in the practice of my calling.

With loyalty will I endeavor to aid the physician in his work,

   and devote myself to the welfare of those committed to my care.

God loves me, He gave me a happy family.

Everyday I try to reminisce and criticize myself whenever I am having my morning bath. I think of so many things and how I would be able to deal with it. I set goals and make sure I accomplish all of them everyday. I used to write it in my Starbucks 2011 Diary which my sister Yza sent to me by post last January. But since it is so heavy to carry along in my bag, I regret to write day by day. Sometimes, I try to catch up and put all memories in one sitting. I do it when I lie down on the bed, prone position. It has been my routine since my highschool days. I am a very sentimental person. I am particular to dates, 'special statements', and most especially with the word 'PROMISE'.

I know Ma needs to do some 'smile workshops' with me.

I was brought up by my Aunt at the age of 2. We lived in a house beside my parents' so I see my brothers and sister and my parents as much as I want. My aunt, who we call 'Ma' served as my mother. She calls me 'Bunso' even at my age now. For 24 years of my existence, we had always slept on the same bed side by side. So no wonder I was crying in London for a week telling Jerome 'waah! namimiss ko na si MA..!' Jerome hugs me and calms me down. She have a son and daughter, a widow at the age of 32. Ma's eldest is Ate Mi.

Ate Mi, Kuya Bobot, and Nadine with Choco Bear

She is a math wizard, a UP Grad and works now at Procter and Gamble. They say they pay big in P&G and most employees there are really intelligent graduates from only 3 of the most Popular Universities in the country-- UP, Ateneo, and La Salle. I can say Ate Mi is really a huge earner. She invests her money to a house and lot in Ayala Greenfields Estates and a stock holder of Marriott hotel. I remember 2 years ago when Ma and I spent our holiday here in Singapore, it was Nadine's (ate Mi's daughter) school break when we flew to Phuket, Thailand. We stayed in a big Marriott Hotel Villa overlooking the landscape view of Marriott. We stayed there for free and spent the days relaxing by the shore, swimming and there we watched a popular stage show, Phuket Fantasea. So to whoever is planning to go to Phuket, Phuket Fantasea is really a must-see! I can say it's way better than Songs of the Sea here at Sentosa. Way better, really! Ate Mi's husband is a Kuya Bobot, a non-practicing Dentist. He spends his time biking here in Singapore. He joins different bike Races and always brings home the bacon. Kuya Bobot has been biking for almost his entire life. He maintains it really well not to mention he have 4 different types of bikes. Kuya Ek, brother of Ate Mi works at Philippine Airlines as a Steward. He is married to Ate Dolly who used to work at PAL but now in the states working as a Nurse. They were blessed with 2 beautiful children, Lance and Maegan. Kuya Ek lives in Mandaluyong with his in-laws so it's just me and Ma in our humble home in Calamba. I grew up much clinged to Kuya Ek because he's a laid back person. He doesn't get mad at me when I am messy and 'pasaway' in the house unlike Ate Mi who is strict with what should be done, and it should be done right without mistakes. Though I know Ate Mi and Kuya Ek loved me much like their 'bunsong kapatid' I felt like the super baby of the family. Once they go out with their friends when they were younger, they would sometimes take me with them. And if they can't bring me with them, I'll cry hard then they will tell me to stop crying then they'll promise they'll bring me 'pasalubong' when they return home. That's the big thing of the word PROMISE to me. Most people says promises are made to be broken but my family abides to their promises. They were taught how to keep promises and they have passed it on me. So when I say promise, I know I'll keep it.

My parents lived in a home beside ours. Kuya, my eldest brother named Ysrael, Kuya Jo, (Jonelle), and Yza (Yzabelle) lives all together. Nothing much to say on our childhood because it was a 7 year age gap for me and Kuya Jo. All I could recall is how me and Yza fights over different things when we were small. We were like cats and dogs literally and I am really as 'maldita' as an evil sister back then. I guess that's part of growing up, and when we reminisce things, Yza and I would just laugh about it. I hate it when Yza reminds me of my embarrassing moments. She's good at remembering my flaws. She would even sometimes pop out a question saying 'Ate diba yan yung music sa production nyo noon nung sumali ka sa pageant? Yung natalo ka sa Munting Lakambini ng Calamba!?' See how she annoys me? And sometimes I would come and beat her with another child story of 'E yung sinipsip mo yung ink ng ballpen mo tapos nakain mo yung ink at natakot ka kasi akala mo lason yun, tumakbo ka pauwi ke Mama crying aloud with those ink overflowing in your mouth like a vampire, naalala mo!? Then we'll laugh even harder. Ma would always tell me stories of my childhood. She said when Daddy used to scold me when I do something wrong, I would cry and say, 'hindi ko kayo bati! mga pangit kayo!' I would confess that I was really confused when I was small, I said my surname is not Laude, my surname is Dela Cruz, (which is Ma's married name. Ma and Mama are siblings) so I am Ma's daughter! Kuya Jo and Kuya Ysrael was on their teenage years by then. They don't focus much on playing with us but on having crushes and childhood girlfriends. Funny how they would tease each other on different ugly girl neighbors we have back then. That's how they annoy each other. But both of them were best mates since they were only a year apart. They too have the same circle of friends. I think they never fought. I know it's just us girls who is easily triggered and annoyed so Yza and I fights and argues about simple things.

I have become so attached to everyone in my family. We were brought up full of love and affection. I am much proud and blessed to say that God loved us so much He made our family very intact compared to the trend among most of my friends of having a broken family. That's something I would treasure til the end of time. My family is blessed, all of us are. Daddy would never ever allow us to eat meals in a day whenever one  is still at work or he/she is not yet home. It's Daddy's rule that all of us will eat all together. It's one thing I am thankful about. I know Daddy was also raised that way by Lolo and Lola so he is passing it on on us. Though I live and stays with Ma in our house, whenever we would have a chance, or I fancy their menu I am more than welcome to eat and we will eat all together. We talk while we eat. It's our family time. THE BEST TIME. Daddy's routine is to serve rice on our plate. No miss, he does that all the time. Daddy cooks really good. He came from a family with good cook and chef. Lola even had her own Cafeteria when she was still living (SLN). This makes me miss Daddy more. He is celebrating his birthday on the 11th of June. That's on Saturday. Wish I was home, but I'm still stocked here in Singapore. When I get back home, I'll be going to a specialist doctor for Daddy's check up. Hope everything turns well. I know he has been very worried since he told me that he is having difficulty urinating. I know somethings wrong with his health so I'll be prioritizing his issues when I get back. I want to get back to see how he's been. I missed Daddy. I remember his SMS to me when I was in London telling me to come home.

'C, musta ka na? uwi ka nalang. dito buhay reyna ka, dyan aburido ka, dito senyorita ka, dyan alila ka. uwi ka nalang ipagluluto kita ng gusto mong ulam.' 


I was so touched because Daddy told me that line through text. I didn't know he cared much.

Daddy Nato

My family served as my strength when I was in London. My one of my goal was to send them a 'Balikbayan Box' for them to enjoy the fruits of my labor. When Jerome and I will pass by the mall, I would look at clothes and other stuffs and tell myself, 'Gusto ko ibili si Daddy nito', 'Ay gusto to ni Mama!' 'Kasya kaya ito ke Yza?' So finally after more that about 5-6 months, I filled in 3 'Balikbayan Boxes' with toys, bags, clothes, chocolates, and all other products that I have been using in England. It's not the things that I bought for them that made me happy, but the smiles I gave to them knowing that they were all remembered and loved. I wish I never left England, I wish I should have given them more. I wish I had a better visa that will allow me to stay there. I have regrets but I have much things to focus on right now. It's not always the things that money can buy. It's not being materialistic all the time. Now, it's about family time. The happiness of not having everything but seeing us smiling and laughing again. A loving family, that's all I have now. All I ever have, will always have. No pounds, no over-priced taxes, just them. Their smiles. Their love. I LOVE MY HAPPY FAMILY.

regret the braso, Kuya's smile is good here.

Ate Karen super bait to us all.

goofing around Changi Airport

Starbucks with ze girls

Itadakimas!

We smiled together on my 24th birthday in London

Why 'it' didn't work. IELTS.

Sometimes I wonder why things didn't go the way I wanted to. I told myself before that 'bahala na, kaya kong maging Nurse sa London no matter how it takes, ang importante nandun na ko-- madali na yun!' That line kept me going. So from the time I came to London, I am more than motivated to achieve all my goals. I always keep a journal of how these goals will be executed making all my 'To-Do' notes very realistic. I research on how and where I could take my IELTS exam and I booked myself for December exam. Unluckily, I thought having a general average of 7 is good enough, I have yet to make ALL the 4-part English exam in 7.0. I was good at the Speaking exam for having 8.0. Poor me, I got 6.0 in Writing.

ELTS ( /ˈaɪ.ɛlts/), or 'International English Language Testing System', is an international standardised test of English languageproficiency. It is jointly managed by University of Cambridge ESOL Examinations, the British Council and IDP Education Pty Ltd, and was established in 1989.

There are two versions of the IELTS: the Academic Version and the General Training Version:

• The Academic Version is intended for those who want to enrol in universities and other institutions of higher education and for professionals such as medical doctors and nurses who want to study or practice in an English-speaking country.
• The General Training Version is intended for those planning to undertake non-academic training or to gain work experience, or for immigration purposes.

It is generally acknowledged that the reading and writing tests for the Academic Version are more difficult than those for the General Training Version, due to the differences in the level of intellectual and academic rigour between the two versions. ( THANKS WIKIPEDIA!)

So that's the story of one of my frustrations in London. I felt happy for self-reviewing in a months time, I was able to achieve a band score of 7 but still the happiness didn't satisfy me. 

You know the thing when you blog and you have a facebook tab above, you tend to be really destructed and out of focus. I should be blogging secretly in my own private time. it's a ME and LAPPY bonding, cuddling, LOVING! 

*OKAY FACEBOOK, YOU'RE THE BEST LIFE DESTRUCTION! * 

10,748 kilometers/6679 miles/5804 nautical miles

Looking forward to seeing my boyfriend after four month of being away, I was so excited to fly myself to London. I submitted my requirements to the British agency in Makati the day after the storm 'Ondoy' wiped out most of Manila. And 3 days after, I have my student visa already. Valid from 19 Oct 2009- 30-Apr 2011.

Arriving at Heathrow Terminal 5, I was queueing up for the immigration officer for 45 minutes awaiting for Jerome's SMS to where particularly in the airport I should be meeting him up. I was not even paying attention to what question may pop in to me once I talk to the immigration officer. All smooth until I was able to reach for my luggage and pulled up a trolley for my 20kg red luggage bag.

Our First Starbucks bonding in England. Starbucks Knightsbridge.

Jerome left for London June of 2009. Four months after, I followed him there. Hoping to settle our life together in God's time.

Pushing my trolley to the exit lane, my eyes were looking for Jerome, a tall medium dark guy. There he stood with his mom, Mama Ging and Valerie, daughter of our housemate, Tita Annabelle. He gave me a kiss on the cheeks and squeezed my hand. :)

Jerome and I lived in a house where rooms are rented separately. We pay £60 per week for our room, common bathroom. Tita Annabelle is Mama Ging's friend. She manages the home rentals together with her husband Tito Ferdie, her sister Susan and two daughters namely Marjorie and Valerie.

Arriving at the house from a London black cab all the way from the airport, Mama Ging paid £42. I wasn't even bothered how to convert it to peso but I was thankful enough that Mama was very nice to me even when I was back home. Oct 25 09 was the first time I've met her in person though we usually talk over the phone. Entering the flat 18 of Flora Gardens in Hammersmith, the Quila family gave a warm welcome to me. There were foods like Kare-kare, Lumpiang Shanghai, Fried Chicken and as far as I can remember we had Buko Salad for dessert.

Mama Ging/Mom of Jerome

All was smooth sailing from the time I came there. I would always think of better things to help out in the house for which I know I wasn't really good at cooking nor cleaning the house. The came the day when Jerome and I will try to do the inventory of our house budget. We felt like the house fee, electricity and internet fees were not divided wisely among ourselves. We asked Tita Annabelle how things go and how money is being paid for these and that but we were given questionable answers.

Jerome and I finally landed to our first job in London, at Tesco Express. We were earning not big and money was a big struggle for us. I would pray all night to overcome these hardships at work and me being homesick. I cry to Jerome and he hugs me tight when I feel terribly sad. He gives me strength and assures me that we will surpass these struggles soon in time.


To cut the bad story short, Jerome and I left the flat for being given unfair justice of how much we pay for our living there. Bad memories and bad words we were told by his drug-addict husband Ferdie, I was badly hurt. Firstly because I myself was not used to be hearing bad words ranting all over the house, and secondly, I thought all the time, we were like family in that flat. How come things turn so bad after being so nice and polite to them? Jerome know how bad I was hurt and how much I wanted revenge to Ferdie. That asshole drug-addict man who we lived in the same flat for 3 months. And what is much hurtful? Tita Annabelle did not give us back our advance payment of £500.

We tried to report them to the flat agency to go after that £500, but they too can't find a way how. Or maybe they wouldn't be bothered at all afterall, it is out of their business anyway.

Jerome and I moved in to a new studio flat in Shepherd's Bush. We have our private toilet and like a home of our home. No nuisance of the noise and ranting of bad words but, we paid quite big--out of our budget. Good thing Mama helps us to pay out home rental because it's £420/month. Too high for us who earns about £500 since we were only starting with our job at St. Vincent's Care Home. Jerome and I decided to leave Tesco, a small grocery like '7-11' shop in Central London.

It was January of 2010 when Jerome and I challenged ourselves to the Most In-Demand job in the UK. The Nursing Home or a.k.a, the 'dirty job'.

Peggy aka Catherine Andrews, my most loved resident

one happy morning with Peggy

We were bank staffs at first. Bank staff= on-call staff. I tried to embrace the caring job. For it has been what I was taught about in my college years. I made friends and more ENEMIES in that work place.

When friendships seem so real.

Kristine having dinner at VQ

Kristine and I pretending to bring back our old happy days.

I met Kristine. One Filipina staff in Second floor. She was nice, she asked me if we wanted to share flats with her. I found her nice and wanted to befriend her as like how I befriended my highschool and college friends. And in March 2010, we moved in to our 3rd flat at Wandsworth. Locationwise, budgetwise, no second thoughts, we are moving in. I even bought a big cupboard and a nice mirror for me and Jerome. We would go out at night, invite friends in our flat and most of the time we would drink til we puke the next day. Life was just so good to enjoy with friends but for some odd reasons, Kristine and I would argue over nonsense things that ended up to fights and bad memories. Jerome knows I am badly hurt again for trusting and befriending someone and ended up having bad memories. Kristine would tell everyone in our workplace all simple faults that I regret to do in our flat. Gossips flourished all floors of St. Vincent's Care Home so anyone have no escape of the critics and fickle minded gossip suckers.

I would like to name few people who marked myself from being a friend to I-don't-want-to-say-unkind-words-in-my-blog people:

Barrio Fiesta with Clarissa

Irish, Clarissa, and Jerome sharing the 'Palabok'

• Clarissa- a friend who cooks Palabok, shares with everyone like the gossips she shares with everyone too. We joked around, pretending-were-good-friends now.
• Edman- a gay guy who-knows-everything and I-am-never-wrong-gayguy person. (did I say gayguy twice?)
• Irish- a friend I've met in London. No bad word to say because she's crazy and lazy like me. We love to eat.

That's Irish!

• Joanna- a friend, closed to Clarissa and Edman. They were all friends even before I came in London.
• Kerry- Kristine's friend, Edman's BFF, Joanna's friend. Nice smiling lady. She was nice to me too.
• Hyacinth- a Jamaican woman who I spent most of my night shifts. Who knows my flaws and whom I share my stories.
• Alea- a Bangladeshi woman who treats me nicely and tells Jerome that I'm her daughter.
• Rodyat- big fat African woman who hugs me most of the time. Calls us 'Romeo and Juliet'.
• Cherry- our Duty Manager who I trusted big time.
• Ade- my 3rd floor night pal who's as mighty as Thor. I hated her at first but it was good working with her.
• Patricia- we worked not so often but we go out much often.

Me, Irish, Clarissa and Patricia smiling for Barrio Fiesta 2010

• Ate Janet- was like my secret keeper mother. I love her.

Ate Janet and I foodtripping at Byron Westfield Shopping Center

This is my favorite combo! :)

• Ate Joy- a friend so true and dear to me. She helped me get through my cooking skills. 

I came all the way to Milton Keynes to celebrate with her. It's her 32nd!  woohoo!

Those were the people I've come up to who I get to mingle most of the time. They will forever be remembered in my heart and how much some of them gave me pains in my heart. Though I can say I am bitter as to what ruined friendship is about, I wasn't reminded that 'some good things are not meant to last'. Same with 'some friends are not meant to be true to you'.

I would like to name some other people whom God allowed to touch my life. They will be missed and be forever in my heart.

• Ate Mariss- I befriended her when she was smoking downstairs in our college. She recommended me to work for my most loved job-- A VKL AGENCY NURSE at the Priory Hospital.

That's me and Ate Mariss a days before I left England.

• Marge- she was like my little sister. Her mannerisms and kindness.
• The Priory Patients:

1. Josie 
2. Harini
3. Abby
4. Kirsten
5. Charlotte

• Peggy- my most loved resident at St. Vincent's Care Home

• and most especially JEROME, for he is the reason why I learned about all these challenges in life. For he inspires me and reminds me that I am still the best though other people sees only my faults.

I learned that even though I struggled up to the last days of my stay in London, God gave me a family who would still hug and embrace me with their love when everything falls out of hand. It's my smile that makes me strong, and this smile won't keep me wrong. Thats what matters to me now. I LEARNED.

I love MA forever.

So the thing is...

Okay, why come up of having an 'official' blogsite which will cater much of my time all day aside from being on Facebook and Twitter? Well, until now I haven't realize that of all the pains and hardships I've went through these past months, I need a place where I could ventilate much of my feelings. And yes, this is my Catharsis. (medical term for 'ventilation of feelings')

I have been keeping things for myself and have been denying the fact that I have loads of hurtings in my heart. For those who do not know and may be interested to know, I left for London almost 2 years ago. I flew in London, 24th of October and there.. I faced the challenge of my life that will never be forgotten.

When I was in my teenage years, I don't really know why but at the back of my head, I know someday, somehow, by any means, I would be stepping to the land where I've always dreamed of.. England. Oh maybe I was influenced by the childhood story of 'The Little Princess' or as many would know, 'Sara, ang Munting Prinsesa'. It was a story of a poor girl who lived in London not knowingly... (and I have been pressing the backspace several times reminiscing the story of this movie but I couldn't recall anymore! hahah!) Basically it's the setting or the location of the movie that really marked my mind since I was small. Sometimes, I see myself like Sara. She too walked along the streets with thick snow underdressed, ate loaves as a meal and to be honest, I have been short of money for a couple of times.

I may say for the first few months in London, I was full of excitement. I was eager to learn new things the English way. I wanted to go out and roam around the city just to see things for myself and say, 'This was once my dream and now, I am standing here.' I have been observing these English people live life in style. The have a very elegant taste of fashion that yes, I will admit, I could never afford. I was not born rich but I am proud to say that I am BLESSED. I stare and give glare and even try to speak in their accent. Funny to see myself trying so hard twisting my tongue and doing the English intonation in my voice. Mind you, you would see yourself doing this when you travel alot. And now I'm sitting in the couch here in my big brother.s place in Kuala Lumpur, I can make this blog sound like a Malay version of my life.. Boleh!?

Just when I am so in the mood to finish my London life in one sitting, my cousin Ate Mi who is more of like a big sister to me popped a message at Facebook asking me about something. arrgghh, destructions are part of life. *clicks the 'Go Offline' button*

So there, much of me wanting to wipe out the whole page of non-stop smiles and cries of my London life, I'm out of focus. Words have been tossing in my mind, stories, cries, bloopers, and all the little things cannot be contained in one blank page, one blog. This is to begin the chapter where I, until now, have been fiddling about myself the purpose of my existence.

1 kiss for this blog *JCL*

where I am today.

I  have been troubled of the idea of which social networking site would I be posting my first 'official' blogsite. Since I have been a Facebook member for over the past 4 years, it has been very overrated and honestly I may say that it is terribly crowded down there. So then I signed up for Twitter (@nursejaycee) last year and it has been my daily fixation- to tweet and express my feelings in 140 characters. So what's this Tumblr link up and about my Facebook and twitter timeline?  Okay, lemme try this one. And so I too have a Tumblr account. (www.iamnursejaycee.tumblr.com.) Not to mention my Multiply site wayback in college. Oh no, that has been very outdated. And accept it, yes. We were all suckers for Friendster's testimonial button. And for me, that is where these all began. FRIENDSTER.

and wait, where I am now? Oh hi! Am I really seeing myself infront of my pink laptop at 11:45pm doing a BLOG? a blog site? and where? BLOGSPOT.COM. Oh this is cool. Lemme call this www.joanchristabellaude.blogspot.com. sounds cool right? Oh sorry I was lazy to put down my middle name. I know it will sound more catchy than my full name itself. haha! And so blogging life, let's begin.